Top 10 Wedding Etiquette Questions of All Time

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So my husband and I got married at the court house in Brooklyn, NY on February 27th, 2014, with out telling my family. Now we are planning a black tie wedding in St. Louis, MO, on my parents 34th wedding anniversary (5/14/16). I think because my career back ground is bridal, the planning is going really well for me but I really want my guest to come in BLACK TIE. I am worried some family members won’t know how to dress for my wedding. I have really considered sending a small post card with images showing “what to wear" for the women and men. I do not want my guest to think is ok to wearing a long maxi dress to my 5:15pm wedding is ok. I have invest a lot of money into this event, I want my guest to look great. Please Help! How do I get my guest to dress know black tie is a must with out sounding like a bridezilla?!

We have a very small family. My aunt remarried and has a step daughter that is married and has 4 kids. We aren't close however do have some family gathering connections. Do we invite her and her brood to our wedding? PS seating is limited at our reception