It may be summer, but I’m still spring cleaning in my apartment…and let me tell you, it isn’t easy. Why? I’ve simply accumulated too much stuff! Honestly, I am a prime candidate for TLC’s “Buried Alive: Hoarders”. So, during my vacation week in June I tackled the living room and some closets. I rented a storage unit (absolutely no storage where I live, which is part of the problem) and lugged over three car loads filled with books, albums and other sundry items. I also set aside bags of things for family members to go through and made two trips to Salvation Army. Whew! But now, when I walk through the front door it looks amazing and it almost feels as if I’m visiting someone else’s home. Plus, I probably won’t miss any of the things that were tossed and donated.
This weekend my goal is to go through the kitchen cabinets, drawers, etc. and start throwing out, organizing and giving away what I absolutely don’t need (shouldn’t be too difficult as I’m not much of a cook). Then comes the kitchen renovation but that’s another story. Anyway, all this purging, tossing and giving away got me thinking about all of you and the fact that you’ll soon be merging two households if you haven’t done so already. According to an online Bridal Guide survey, 51% moved in together when dating but the other 49% of you will do so after getting engaged or right before the wedding.
Needless to say, it will be a bit challenging. There’ll be lots of decisions to make on what to keep or toss and plenty of compromising involved. But a great little book called The Newlywed’s Instruction Manual by Caroline Tiger (Quirk Books) came across my desk recently and I highly recommend it for all of you.
It’s not only filled with great tips on how to merge your stuff but offers plenty of savvy advice on how to navigate your first year of marriage together. You’ll discover how best to merge finances, create a household budget, buy a house, move, decorate, divide household chores fairly, manage in-laws and keep the romance alive. Now, who couldn’t use that kind of advice? Put it on your summer reading list and get a copy for your groom, too. I have a feeling you’ll both refer to it more than once!
In the meantime, here are some tips from the book, courtesy of Ms. Tiger, on how to merge your stuff with his:
- Map out your needs. Figure out the furniture you’ll need in your home. Are you moving into a three-bedroom or a one-bedroom home? How many books do you have? Are there enough built-in bookshelves in the new house or will you need to bring in some standalone-shelving units? How many?
- Take inventory. Prioritize. Now that you have an idea of what you need, take inventory of what you have. Include appliances, furniture, art, accessories and tableware. Place a star next to the five things you absolutely can’t live without. (Gulp! Only five?)
- Combine lists. Compare your lists for overlapping items. If any are doubles of something one of you can’t part with, decide to get rid of the one that’s not starred. Both parties need to be willing to make sacrifices especially if you’re moving into a small space.
- Practice empathy. Although at times it may be impossible to understand your partner’s dogmatic attitude toward your Led Zeppelin poster, try stepping into her shoes. Look around at her belongings—does she own anything that resembles your Zeppelin poster in style or content? Will the poster blend into the home you’re planning to make as a couple? If the answers to these questions are “no,” you might be holding on too tightly to the past. Be willing to let go in order to make room for new memories.
- Purge. Haul the items to the curb or the Salvation Army, or try to sell them on Web sites such as Craigslist or Ebay if you think there’s still some life left in them.
Expert Tip: Things that should definitely go include artifacts from past relationships, broken items and outdated kitsch.
Good luck with your own purge and merge and just think of the end result: You’ll have created a beautiful new home together ready for many happy times and wonderful memories to come.
- from-dianes-desk's blog
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